i wish in 2012 i will be healthier, more zen, and of course happier by any positive means
photo by @anissaratna
wishful 2012
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5 out of 10
Happy New Year everybody!!! I’m looking at my 2011 to-do-list and realizing that I’ve crossed out 5 things out of 10 and they are:
- Going back to Germany
- Stop using internet excessively
- Reading more than 10 books
- Doing sport more often
- Getting a scholarship so I can save more money
I’m not in the mood of talking about the other 5 because since I made them I already knew that they were impossible to reach, (like: I want to be a vegetarian, I want to go to Africa, I want to take hip-hop class, I want to do bungee jumping and scream like never before, and so other imaginative things that you can imagine) but I kept making it anyway as an ‘accelerator pedal’. Correction, they aren’t impossible but maybe they will be on the list for a decade until they will eventually get crossed out.
In 2011, A lot of things happened, I finally went back to Germany and surprised my friends at the school prom. Before I went home in 2009 my friend once said “man sieht sich mindesten 2 mal im Leben” (people will meet each other at least 2 times in life) in other words they were saying that I would go back to Germany someday and the farewell was just temporary. I finally proved that it was true after 2 years. I got the best closure for all the yearning and waiting. Oh yeaaaahhhhh I couldn’t be any happier!!!
In 2011 I also got to move to a temporary building because the previous one was actually built for the male dormitory and the female dormitory was still under construction until only God knows when. My current room isn’t as big as before and the bathroom is outside the room, and there is no internet connection so if I need an internet connection I have to go to the male dormitory and access it there. But I feel happy because now I know what a good bedroom should be, it must be very quiet and it’s the place where we can sleep soundly and have a good rest and put aside all the life’s hustle and bustle so in the next morning waking up with a fresh mind is clearly possible.
With that condition I also automatically managed to fulfill my to-do list: to stop using internet excessively. I’m not sure whether to feel woe or just blame my inactivity on spending too much time accessing Internet. But in 2010 I was an internet addict!! and I put off intentionally the doing of something that should be done too often and it happened until the first quarter of 2011. Now I only use the internet for maximum 3 hours per day and that is good! Previously I used it for more than 6 hours per day on weekdays and more than 10 hours per day on weekends. HA!
In my minimalist bedroom, my source of entertainment is only books and some magazines, well I have cable tv here but as you know I don’t really like to watch TV. I feel like I’m back to 90s when I was 6 years old and time seemed crawl by so very slowly, my night is so peaceful and finally I have time to read more than 10 books, and they are :
The Black Swan, Flightless, Winning Arguments, What Philosopher Think, Economics A-Z Guide, Die Mutter Des Erfolgs (German translation for Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mother), Beim Leben Meiner Schwester (German translation for My Sister’s Keeper), Ecological Intelligence, Madre, Antigone, and Sustainable Energy- without the hot air. Oh well, I also have more time to read my engineering books : )
In 2011 I also spent a lot of time to play badminton, my favorite sport. I also learned how to do pilates from youtube and practiced it quite regularly. When I was in Germany in July, I was joining gymnastic class for my body flexibility with my friend Maike as my tutor for a month. I enjoyed my swimming session and hopefully in 2012 I will be able to do it regularly like I’ve planned with my friends.
At the end of 2011 (A day before the new year’s eve), I got news stating that I was granted a scholarship from an Energy Company which collaborates with US Embassy’s Foundation. All my college tuition fees starting from the fifth semester until I graduate are going to be covered, I also get a provision for my thesis, and monthly cash! What so special with this scholarship is I don’t have to work for the company, they let me free to decide my future and that is super amazing!! With this scholarship, my parents don’t have to pay anything for my college and I can save more and more money, yayness $$$$$!!
I think those are my 2011 resolution that I’ve successfully fulfilled, I also think that 2011 was a beautiful beautiful year. How about you?
Spontaneous
So lately it’s been so hard for us to skype, not only because 12-hour-time-difference (well yes now is 13-hour-difference due to daylight saving) but also our unpredictable schedules. Sometimes I’ve to stay midnight to catch tomorrow’s deadline and as you know I don’t want to be bothered, Sometimes he has to work so early morning and wake up 2 hours after that and pick up the X donation from Y foundation or Q donation from Z foundation, or X donation from Z foundation, whatever. You name all the possibilities!
But you know what? recently we realize that skype spontaneously is much more fun!
He said that when it was so hard to make an appointment, let’s made it spontaneous! While I kept arguing that being spontaneous was a plan B, but now I realize that plan B is fully acceptable since the last option for us might be called plan Z.
It’s acceptable although from the last experiences he called me when I left my laptop on and cooked, he called me while I was in my work place 5 minutes before I had to give lesson, and he called me when I took a bath.
Since I’ve bought my new android phone, I equipped myself with mobile skype so I’ll be reachable everytime and so will he. This is the way we try to make it work and we enjoy it.
Because, when you just can’t expect anything because the element of uncertainty is dominating, all the best you can do is: expect nothing, and wait for a spontaneous spark coming ahead!
And yes, you can call me a guru by now.
47 minutes, 9868 miles
I feel so alive!! So i just skyped randomly without appointment with Nassim while i was learning for Water Supply Engineering’s midterm tomorrow, these are some funny (or not funny) things i couldn’t get out of my mind. I always giggle every time i remember it. 
About Tonsillitis
N : “I’ve got tonsillitis”
M : “That’s bad , i was just healed from it, how could you get tonsillitis?”
N : “I have to work so hard until 4am and i haven’t drunk water so much, and the water in the US tastes so bad and contains chlorine, just imagine you drink the water directly from the swimming pool”
About Alcohol
M : “Anyway, can you drink alcohol in the US, i think it’s illegal you’re not 21 yet!”
N : “Yes, we’re not supposed to drink before 21, but you know sometimes i just do it”
M : “Hahaha “
N : “You know like in Germany people start drinking when they are 16, I’m 20 right now, let say i’ve been drinking for 4 years and suddenly i can’t drink here. I feel like i’m 15″
About New Music
N : “I’m currently learning new music it’s called dubstep , have you heard anything about it”
M : “Nope, sounds weird yet interesting”
N : “just listen to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFu2DfPDGeU, it comes from England. but you have to be open because it’s little bit different”
M : “yes,yes, i’m very open minded, wait but it sounds like arabic songs, or Indian i don’t know”
N : “Wait a second it’s supposed to be a robotic-like. Like mu-mu-mu-mu-mu-t–t-t-t-ja-jajaja-jaajaja”
M : (Just in the nick of time) “I see”
Berklee vs Berkeley
M : “So now you want to continue your study in US, maybe i can get you some information regarding the scholarship”
N : “Yes of course just send it to me, it would be nice if i can get scholarship for music in Berklee”
M : “You mean Berkeley?”
N : “NO. Berklee, University of Berklee in Boston”
M : (googling) “My Gosh! how could i don’t know about the largest independent college of contemporary music in the world”
About Being Optimistic
N : ” I think it’s nearly impossible that i can get into Berklee”
M : “Impossible = i’m possible, nothing is impossible” (trying to motivate)
N : “Wise dude”
I think I need more than 47 minutes talking randomly like this on a daily basis, sadly i have to leave the chat because i have to teach my class and write an essay.
Machismo
Machismo (mä-chēz’mō)
n.
- A strong or exaggerated sense of masculinity stressing attributes such as physical courage, virility, domination of women, and aggressiveness.
- An exaggerated sense of strength or toughness: “People prefer raw-milk cheese for its subtlety and depth of flavor, not out of some kind of foodie machismo” (Corby Kummer).
Before seeing that definition and the story i’ll be telling you in this posting, all i have in mind about someone being called macho is the one who is courteously attentive especially to women and chivalrous. This is the first impression i got from my cultural surrounding. In my daily life a man being called macho is the one who is very strong to help the woman or gallant in such a way.
Sometimes, when a man refuse or hesitant to help the woman, we often curse “omg, you’re very NOT macho!” This definition of machismo leads more to cowardice, ungentle, and weakness.
But it all has changed, so last month my mother had to assist one family came from African Country (my mother is a social pedagogue working for the Catholic Church Foundation). She said that the wife was so unhappy with her life because her husband was macho.
“Isn’t it macho man good for her? because maybe he can protect her” asked me innocently.
“Absolutely not!!” said her. “Do you know macho? machismo? That’s when man thinks that he’s superior than woman. He relies on the woman and put all the burdens to her. He doesn’t want to cook (he isn’t able but he never tries to learn, to do the dish, Cleaning up the house, shopping for the daily needs. All is woman’s job”
“Wow really? i thought it was kinda cool, like, Gentle or gallant” replied me.
“Nope, then you must be mistaken”
So i tried to make a little research to my German brother, so at that day he didn’t want to put all the cutlery into the silver ware cabinet and i spontaneously said “OMG you’re so macho”.
And he stared at me shockingly and said “No way, i cook for you this week, 3 times!! i’m not macho at all”
His statement affirmed the concept of machismo being told by my mother.
Today i was chatting with Nassim and asking whether he cooked often or not for himself in the US,
he answered “I have no mood to cook, i like to make salad, it’s easy”
I cheekily responded “You’re so macho”
He answered “i’m sorry, but i can cook, okay?!!” like being offended.
“Hahahaha it’s okay, i know what macho really is” i answered. giggly.
Then he sent me this video from youtube :
“look at the link i sent you,that’s macho” he asked
We laughed.
ok, i think now i know what a macho man really is 
Anyway for all the man who read my posting, ask yourself : ARE YOU A MACHO MAN?
Weißt du eigentlich, wie lieb ich dich hab?
As i was packing my stuffs before i went home, i found one wrapped gift hidden in my bag. The size was midi but it looked so fine, i was trying to figure out who has put this present into my bag. “Is it for me? or someone has mistaken?” But a guess without a prove would be only nothing. So i unwrapped it and i saw this book. The title is “weißt du eigentlich wie lieb ich dich hab” or in French it would be “Devine Combien Je t’aime” or in English (yes i know, you look forward to this translation) “Guess How Much I Love You”. It’s written by Sam McBratney and Anita Jeram.
This storybook tells about a Little Nutbrown Hare who was going to bed held on tight to Big Nutbrown Hare’s very long ears. He wanted to be sure that Big Nutbrown Hare was listening to him and eventually he asked a question : “Guess how much i love you?’. The Little Nutbrown Hare was starting it by saying that his love to the Big Nutbrown Hare was as wide as his stretching arms could possibly go. After that the Big Nutbrown Hare responded to it by saying “I love you this much” and he stretched his arms which is longer that the Little Nutbrown’s. Of course now the Big Nutbrown Hare got the upper hand.
Then the competition began, to show one another how much the love they have. In this book the Big Nutbrown Hare always win. Until the very last page of the book. Maybe the aim of this story is to show how big parents’s love is and also how you can’t compare their love to yours.
This is the last part of the story, which is my favorite.
“I love you across the river and over the hills”, said Big Nutbrown Hare.
“That’s very far,” thought Little Nutbrown Hare. He was almost too sleepy to think anymore. Then he looked beyond the thornbushes, out into the big dark night. Nothing could be farther than the sky.
“I love you right up to the moon” he said and closed his eyes.
“Oh that’s far,’ said Big Nutbrown Hare. “That’s very, very far”
Big Nutbrown Hare settled Little Nutbrown Hare into his bed of leaves. He leaned over and kissed him goodnight. Then he laid down close by and whispered with a smile. “I love you right up to the moon—and back”
After i finished that story i found a card fell from the sidelines of the book. I found out that it was from my Hostmother, Sabine.
It’s so emotional to see how someone who met me 3 years ago as a stranger now put me in her heart. If i were the Little Nutbrown Hare and she were the Big Nutbrown Hare. Before i slept i would say “I love you right up to the moon and back, too”.
Thank you for the book and the heart-warming card. I will definitely do the same to my children.
I love you this much.
Please don’t ask me to define the ‘this’ like this book. Love is just boundless
Good night and sleep tight
nur noch 2 wochen
I will be staying here only for 4 weeks and yes, 4 weeks is less than a month. I have already spent 2 weeks here already that means i only have another 2 weeks to go.
My life here is so easy i have almost no worry , i like my environmental surrounding, daily activities, everything.
I like to sleep all day long when i don’t have to work. I like every night spent with my best friends to party or just to have barbecue. I like the way i have to go through when i have to go to the downtown. I like my speed whenever i have to ride my bike. it’s always fast but still controlled, i can hear and feel the breeze of the air and the smell of chamomile flowers while riding my bicycle. I like my gymnastic class every monday on 8 p.m continued by playing basketball because after that i can sleep soundly.
I like being hugged, for me it’s the best hospitality ever and i can get it every time i meet my friends. i like the face of people so happy seeing me again. I like most house design and the way they arrange every room in their house, it always feels so nice, warm, and tender. I love the idea they always use the yellow light bulb that makes the room feels so cozy. I also like the fact that i have a bonsai in my bedroom next to my pile of assignments. It looks contrast but it beautifies the view.
I like the smell of the detergent and softener they use here, it always makes me feel reminiscent of being here again. I’ve decided maybe some of the clothes i bring here that already being washed won’t be worn again to keep the fragrance stay there. I also like all the products in supermarket especially for cooking and backing. I’ve got many choices and they always taste so good.
I like the sense of security and freedom here. I can go to the downtown until midnight and ride my bike to my house without angst. I also like the way i dress up here, It’s not t-shirt jeans jacket like most people often see me in my daily campus life. I play with color, new mode, and better mix-and-match. Most importantly, i’m wearing it with confidence.
I like the time i have to talk with people here. I love speaking in German. I love talking about more important things like the future or opinion about something (and yes, some people already admitted that I’m that opinionated maybe in the future i would be a newspaper editor or food critics, they said) but what i like here the most is that we’re not talking about other people like typical conversation in Indonesia. I feel the urge not to talk about people too much. It’s time-consuming and it’s fruitless.
I like all the tv channels here which are very informative and so entertaining in such educative way. i hate the fact when i get home again I’ll be watching corny tv shows or shallow infotainment. I can’t stand it for God’s sake. that’s why since 2008 i stop watching (Indonesian) TVs (sometimes maybe yes, but intentionally definitely not) I only read newspaper, the credible one.
Most of all, i like the way people don’t give a damn about someone’s spirituality. i mean you can observe and practice your religion freely and peacefully without necessarily hearing a heavy preaching about the comparison between your religion with other religions or the coercion to do what is the best in their version. I feel my life is getting better here. I thank God more often and i do more good things here also put myself in other people’s shoes.
My utopia will be over very soon. Time to do another waiting and working to be here again in the next 2 years or sooner, which is somehow burdensome but i can tolerate it, because what i get here is to die for.
I think it’s crystal clear to choose what kind of life that i want to.
I want here.
und jetzt ich habe nur noch 2 wochen, das ist doch nicht genug
About the Comebacks
I’ve been dreaming of these days actually for so long, speaking in German again, meeting with friends, partying partying. Life couldn’t be any better! i would say. Coming back here again means a lot to me. Especially when i saw people crying happily and hugging me tightly because they really appreciated my comebacks.
This city means the world to me, City where i started to be very independent also adaptable to adjust to a new culture. The place where i’ve been starting to befriend with everyone, not to mention to mingle with parents of my friends and talking like friends.
This german life and city taught me many things, to be brave, to be flexible, also to have more perseverance,resilience, and determination.
Being here again is such a dream. Hugging people i love. Talking with them. Joking around like a clown. Short word, Being with them again is priceless
I can’t describe how happy i am here to be together again with them.
I’m so grateful.
Euthanasia Coaster
“Euthanasia Coaster” is a hypothetic euthanasia machine in the form of a roller coaster, engineered to humanely – with elegance and euphoria – take the life of a human being. Riding the coaster’s track, the rider is subjected to a series of intensive motion elements that induce various unique experiences: from euphoria to thrill, and from tunnel vision to loss of consciousness, and, eventually, death. Thanks to the marriage of the advanced cross-disciplinary research in space medicine, mechanical engineering, material technologies and, of course, gravity,the fatal journey is made pleasing, elegant and meaningful.
Celebrating the limits of the human body but also the liberation from the horizontal life, this ‘kinetic sculpture’ is in fact the ultimate roller coaster: John Allen, former president of the famed Philadelphia Toboggan Company, once said that “the ultimate roller coaster is built when you send out twenty-four people and they all come back dead. This could be done, you know.”
Loving you through the phone
The hardest part is always wanting to be with each other. But the only thing that makes it easier, is using every alternative method there is to be together. Phone, webcamming, etc. Settling for what we have at the moment pays off in the end though.
It’s a test. Seeing how much we really want to be together. Whether we want to enough, to be patient and deal with all the bullshit that happens before the next time we see each other, or finding out that it was all just a waste of time and effort. I don’t want it to be a waste of time. I don’t think you do either.
But until then, I’ll be happy with what we can have right now. Because a little bit of something is better than a whole lot of nothing. And a little bit of something means a whole lot of everything if it’s with you.
from tumblr
